Sometimes I’m a little slow. There are some well-worn truisms that I haven’t thought were all that insightful and then once they apply to me, they suddenly have meaning. Perhaps that’s how it is for all of us. After my very sad post last week, I had a series of freeing insights that would not have been possible without my grief. There were so many that I even had to make a list to keep track of them! These new ways of looking at things brought relief and freedom, but wouldn’t have been possible without the preceding pain.
Is that the way life works? One has to suffer before growing? Is a forest fire required before new growth can begin?
I Googled the phrase “when something good comes out of something bad.” Lo and behold, there are many proverbs or sayings that summarize this concept. They included:
“The storm before the calm.”
“There is no rose without a thorn.”
“It’s always darkest before the dawn.”
“When God closes a door, he opens a window.”
I’m not sure why this equation is such. I can speculate that perhaps one has to be pushed beyond regular limits to be willing to look at things in a new way. Comfortable is nice. In fact, I’ll take comfort over discomfort any day. I don’t go camping for that very reason. But comfort may lead to complacency and complacency usually doesn’t lend itself to seeing things with a fresh perspective.
Coincidentally, today at lunch I was visiting with the guest speaker at the meeting I was attending. Almost out of the blue, he brought up the phrase, “post-traumatic growth” and proceeded to explain that it was exactly everything I have just written about above. Beyond the proverbs, there’s a technical name for this. I had no idea this was an official concept!
Out-Of-Town Weekend
This past weekend I went out of town, which was also another chance to look at things differently. Saturday evening I went to a concert by my favorite singer, Carrie Newcomer at a downtown Minneapolis church. I hadn’t seen her in concert since the mid ‘90s, but have many of her CDs. Her lyrics amaze me.
I went alone, but didn’t feel alone. The last thing I wanted to do is to talk a friend or my husband into going to a concert by a folk singer who sings spiritual-but-not-religious songs. That’s not everybody’s cup of tea.
The crowd was made up of sincere, educated Midwesterners. The woman in front of me was wearing a wooden barrette with small strings of wooden beads hanging off of it. I noticed that a lot of folks were wearing glasses. I dug my glasses out from the bottom of my purse and put them on. I can see so much better when I wear them anyway. Like me, I bet most of my fellow-concertgoers had public radio and food co-op memberships. I fit right in.
It was a fantastic concert; I knew all the words to all of the songs that weren’t on her newly released album. I chatted with my fellow listeners. I stood smiling outside of the church as I waited for my Uber driver to find me in the midst of the heavy construction in downtown Minneapolis.

Carrie Newcomer performing
The next morning, I had lunch with a friend I first met when I was in 5th grade. It’s always a delight to see her. She is inquisitive, has a kind heart and a super sense of humor. Then I drove to northern Minneapolis and went to a Celebration of Life gathering for a cousin that passed away this winter from a kidney disease. It was a sad occasion, but I was glad to see some of my other cousins, my Aunt and relatives.
My weekend away was a chance to look at things from a different perspective. It was rejuvenating and refreshing. Combine that with my earlier new insights and I felt peaceful relief.
No Way Around It
I wish there was a way to grow without pain. Maybe there is. The fact that grieving can lead to new insights is no comfort in the midst of grief. However, it would be worse if grieving didn’t lead to new ways of looking at things. Then the pain would be wasted.
I wouldn’t trade my newfound perspectives for anything. I wish they didn’t come at such a high price, but I don’t get to write the rules. I am grateful and pleased.
9 Comments
I love how you express yourself, Jennifer, with humor and optimism…..so much like your mom. How about this one……”If life gives you lemons, make lemonade!”
(I am looking forward to the Big Reunion in heaven. My family is all meeting in the front left corner. Your mom knows that, but if she forgets, be sure to remind her when you see her, so we can all hook up. Knowing my mom, there will probably be a sign that says “Front Left Corner”.)
Thanks for letting me know about the meeting place in heaven! I did not know that that’s where we were going to meet up. My mom readily admitted to not having the best sense of direction, so she might be waiting in the “Front Right Corner.” 🙂
Sounded like a really spiritual weekend. Being alone helped too. Xox
Yes! A great getaway. XOXO
Yes, a really spiritual weekend, with deep, wise thoughts, and a little sweet humor, too.
That’s what I really meant to say, Jennifer. xxxooo
Thank you, Jeanne! I love all of your comments! xxoo
It’s amazing to me how changed I am after loss and trauma. I hear you loud & clear.
This past week we hosted a speaker – Marilyn Schlitz. She has a wonderful book titled Living Deeply. Another way to describe the inner work you are describing is personal transformation. Beautiful, insightful writing Jennifer.
That sounds so interesting! I’m going to get her book. How neat that you were able to have her as a speaker in person. It really does feel like transformation. Amazing, really. Thank you for your compliments too.